


Travelin’ Thru

by poppyfields13



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-01
Updated: 2009-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:45:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyfields13/pseuds/poppyfields13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dally doesn’t know why he keeps reliving the day of the fire, but he knows that it means something, and he desperately tries to figure out what that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Travelin’ Thru

Dally Winston wanted to die. And when he did, well, he expected to actually, you know, _die_. Gone, finished, infinite darkness. Instead, he found himself reliving the day of the fire.

He was in a daze; he didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t even have the gumption to yell at Ponyboy to not run into the burning building. He just watched, transfixed, horrified. He didn’t know why he was reliving this moment. Was this hell? Was he now doomed to repeat this event for all of eternity?

And why was it _this_ moment? What was significant about it?

He didn’t really need to ask himself that. He knew. It was because that moment was the cause of Johnny’s death. It _was_ hell. The flames just proved it.

He only snapped out of it when he realised Johnny was about to get hurt. He was meant to stop it! He had a chance to stop it from happening.

Only, suddenly things were going too fast. He wanted to get inside the church, to get Johnny out, but then Ponyboy was there and he was on fire, and instinctively Dally went to put the flame out. Stupid kid, Dally just had to save him from completely burning up, and then it was too late. Ponyboy was the reason Dally hadn’t been able to get to Johnny in time.

Then he was in the ambulance again, watching Johnny’s unconscious face. Dally knew nothing was going to change. He had blown his chance. Everything would happen exactly as it had before.

And it did.

When he woke up he was reliving that day again, the third time experiencing that day. That time he was filled with hope and determination. He tried to drive right by the church without stopping, ignoring Ponyboy’s protests.

Well, that didn’t work. Suddenly a truck came out of nowhere and smashed right into the side of his car. Johnny’s side. Dally broke his arm, and Johnny’s back was broken. Ponyboy was fine.

They weren’t even heroes. The Curtis boys didn’t get any sympathy from anyone. Dally couldn’t wait to die.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up on the same day, again. But he was getting tired. He wanted to think there was a reason he kept reliving that day, but it seemed when he tried to change it, he just made it worse. Maybe he really was only supposed to relive it because it hurt him so much.

This time, even when he ignored Ponyboy’s scorching clothing and went racing to save Johnny instead, he was still too late. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong; he just couldn’t seem to save him.

It was totally different when he was in the hospital. He wouldn’t speak to anyone. He wasn’t himself. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He was stuck between dead and alive.

All he did was sit with Johnny. But they didn’t talk. Dally just wanted to be close to him, even if it hurt so much to see him in pain, to see him die. And when Johnny did die, Dally didn’t bother making a big scene. He quietly slit his wrists in a hospital bathroom.

The next time he woke up on that day, he realised it wasn’t anything to do with the fire that he was supposed to stop. He realised he had been given the chance to figure something out; there was something he _had_ to figure out. He just knew it; he knew there was a reason that he kept reliving it. And he had to figure it out quick, because watching Johnny in constant pain… watching him die repeatedly, was torture.

They both died several more times. Dally sort of began to long for it, because he felt like every time he died it would bring him closer to the answer. But every time he woke up, he just felt more stuck. It was strange, but, the only thing that kept him going was Johnny. He would have just given up, laid down in the gutter somewhere, if he hadn’t wanted to spend that time by Johnny’s bedside. Even though he hated to see Johnny that way, he still wanted to be as close to the younger boy as he could.

When they did speak it was usually the exact same thing, or something very similar. Until one day, Dally couldn’t stand it; he needed to feel something more. He needed to know that all this actually meant something.

He whispered Johnny’s name. It was night, and the room was only very dimly lit.

Johnny croaked back a reply.

Suddenly Dally felt as if he was going to cry. And Dally Winston did not cry. He coughed, trying to clear his throat. _I’m going to miss you Johnnycake_ , he said. It was an understatement, but all he could think of to say.

So you know I’m dying then, huh? Johnny asked him.

Of course Dally knew, he’d seen it happen repeatedly. He didn’t answer the question, just told Johnny he couldn’t live without him, which was certainly true.

Johnny asked what he meant, his voice faltering.

Dally shrugged and said he didn’t know. He just knew that he couldn’t, is all.

Why?

Again, he said he didn’t know.

Johnny sighed. He said, _I know why I wouldn’t be able to live, if I lost you_.

Dally looked up. What?

Johnny said he guessed he could tell Dally his secret now, since he was dying and all. He didn’t think Dally would beat a guy up who was on his deathbed.

Dally told him he’d never lay a hand on him. He didn’t know what Johnny was talking about.

Johnny said he knew Dally wouldn’t hurt him, but that’s because he didn’t know…

Know what? Dally was getting frustrated, he desperately wanted to know what Johnny was thinking.

_I… I love you Dally._ Johnny whispered.

Dally was quiet for a moment. I love you too, kid, he said.

No, Dallas, Johnny said. He tried to shake his head but then gasped at the pain. He looked straight at Dally. _I’ve always looked up to you; I’d do anything for you. You just… mean everything to me. I’m in love with you. I always have been. I can’t help it._

Dally’s face turned hot, and his heart was pounding uncontrollably in his chest. He’d do anything for Johnny too. Johnny meant everything to him too.

He instantly knew that he felt the same way. He was somewhat surprised that he felt no shame, no anger at himself, or Johnny. He was sure if he’d known this about himself before he would have reacted differently. Hated himself or something.

But he had changed. He could accept it now. So, he got up and stood beside Johnny’s bed. He stared down into those deep eyes, and he knew without a doubt that he was in love with Johnny Cade. He caressed the boy’s cheek, before leaning down and softly kissing his chapped lips.

When Johnny died, he actually looked peaceful.

Dally didn’t know if he felt better or worse about Johnny’s death that time. He was sure that that was the thing he was supposed to figure out, that he was in love. But he still couldn’t live. He couldn’t live without Johnny, especially not now.

He still wanted to die. Maybe now he could die in peace.

But when he woke up, which he did do, it was no longer the day of the fire. He was standing on a deserted country road, and when he turned, he saw that Johnny was standing beside him. The dark haired boy smiled up at him, and his eyes twinkled. Dally had never seen him look so happy. It was beautiful.

He held out his hand, and Johnny grasped it tightly. Dally didn’t know where he was, or where he was going, but it didn’t matter, because Johnny was beside him, and he was right where he wanted to be, where he belonged.

They walked towards the golden sunset.


End file.
